Week of March 9, 2026
Here’s a rundown of my week.
My Dead Mother and Nazis
Three years after my mother’s death, I can still hear her voice every time I get a haircut. “Oh. My. Lord. That is too short! You look like a Nazi! You can’t go out in public. You can’t. Seriously, people with think you’re a Nazi. You could get attacked.”
This concludes my walk down memory lane with Susan Wilson, the trauma she caused, and my new haircut.
ZOOMing at LMC
I lived down the hall from a guy named Tate* in the dorm at Lon Morris College.
One night, Tate and I were having a few beers and talking about the pop culture of our youth. Well, youth before 19 I suppose.
Someone mentioned the old kid’s show ZOOM. It might have been Tate. It might have been me. I don’t remember.
What I do remember is Tate finally telling me that he had written to the TV show to request that they read a “very long and scary story” on air. Not only did ZOOM never do that but they never answered his letter either. This upset Tate greatly and years later he was still pissed that no one at ZOOM had ever written him back. I found something about this, and Tate’s take on it hilarious and laughed. Tate didn’t find this amusing. He looked out into the dark far beyond, took another pull of Lone Star Light and said, “It really hurt that they never even acknowledged my letter. It really hurt.” Again, I found this hilarious and laughed my ass off.
Tate ignored me. He stared into oblivion and perhaps to a place where all children’s letters to TV shows get answered.
A decade later I wrote Tate a letter but signed it as someone from ZOOM. The letter basically said, hey we found this old letter than never got opened, we’re sorry, we’re glad you liked the show, and by the way your request was about the dumbest thing we’ve ever read.
Tate knew the letter was from me and called me up to tell me it wasn’t funny and that he could only wish someone from ZOOM would ever write him back.
So far as I know, Tate is still suffering PTSD from his initial rejection from ZOOM.
This serves as another story from my life and as the answer to the question, “Gayne, how do you come up with such weird stuff for your books?”
* Not his real name.
Lake Atitlán
I’ll be visiting my friend Travis Stinson in San Marcos La Laguna upon the shores of beautiful Lake Atitlán, Guatemala in a week. His restaurant Tul y Sol has the best view, best food, and coldest beer. I can’t wait.
The Bluff
The Bluff stars some Indian actress who’s married to one of the Jonas Brothers. In this movie she plays a former pirate who killed and stole under the name Bloody Mary. She’s retired now and has a family and lives happily on an island that features a Bluff.
Ha. You see what they did there?
Bad guys come calling and Bloody Mary goes X-Rated Home Alone on them, killing or maiming each in the worst ways. At the end she kills her former lover turned bounty hunter and decides to live happily ever after.
The Good: Indian chick is very, very attractive.
The Bad: Most of the movie.
The Ugly. I will never get that two hours back.
Barry White and Pajamas at HEB
I love shopping at HEB, but nothing kills my shopping vibe like running into a couple of adults in pajamas while there. One minute you’re hoping up and down the aisle to Barry White’s You’re The First The Last My Everything playing overhead. The next you have to pass a pair of adults who just rolled out of bed and ventured out into public in ratty sleepwear.
Adults do not wear pajamas in public.
Especially at HEB.
While Barry White is kicking it!
This concludes my rant on adults not adulting at my favorite grocery store.
Random Reviews
Thanks sir for your great review of Platypus Sacrifice Performed at the Acuña Cartel
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